Autistic, Black and Female: developing healthy friendships safeguarded me from grooming & exploitation
Warda Farah reflects on the intersectional prejudices faced by young Black Autistic women, and how hard-won friendships can form an empowering '“interwoven web of stars”.
Warda is also delivering a webinar as part of the G&CC Summit 2023. Find out more.
“Yet one dimensional stereotypes, images and debilitating, narratives persist, creating a pressing need to explore why the struggle for survival is a universally accepted rite of passage for Black girls.”
—Morris, 2016
Growing up as a Black Autistic girl was a unique experience for me. From navigating the way I process and experience the world to learning to even love and accept who I am. I often struggled to develop meaningful, deep relationships with friends, despite always having people around me. I often felt like an outsider who was always trying to fit in, but kept getting it wrong the harder I tried.
To make matters more complicated, I was navigating the pressures that come with puberty, the anxiety about my weight/looks and wanting to feel a sense of belonging. On top of this I had the additional worries of trying to understand what was going on around me. It seemed everybody was “socially savvy” , they just got it and I was somehow trying to play catch up in a world not built for people who think and act like me.
Looking back now I remember facing situations where educators were racist towards me due to my Blackness and then there were peers/adults who attempted to take advantage of me because of my apparent “naivety”. I won’t go into the exact situations but let’s just say they were really bad.
Despite these incredibly challenging circumstances, I was so good at masking that I always had a toolbox of automatic strategies that helped me to cope and survive both the racism and ableism. I carefully curated and tried to maintain control of an environment that would allow me to remain safe, but this is always a short term fix, it was just a form of existing but it did not equate to truly living.
My interwoven web of stars
My life was shaped by constant struggle to understand the people around me, and the fear of being misunderstood. I often found myself being naive or taking things literally in social situations, which made me the subject of humiliation and ridicule. This made me extremely self-conscious, and I began to withdraw from society. It was a strange lonely time and I was susceptible to bullying, grooming from not only gangs but the people I thought were my good friends.
Looking back, my saving grace was that I had one best friend , she was super popular and took me under her wing. She acted as a guide for me, she was all the things I admired and she was fiercely protective of me. She allowed me to navigate, learn and experience things whilst always reaffirming me and at times literally stopping me from getting involved with the wrong things, or the wrong crowd. Looking back, I realize that my experiences have taught me about the importance of friendships, sisterhood and mentorship. This is why even now I am always surrounded by a few trusted loved ones and friends, they accept me, love me and would never want me to be anything other than what I am.
They are like an interwoven web of stars, they come out and shine bright when things get dark for me and I am grateful because they taught me to not seek belonging, but rather to just be.
We do not speak enough about the important role that building and maintaining meaningful friendships plays in safeguarding autistic individuals–how we being supported by the community can also begin the journey towards self advocacy. Hopefully by sharing my experiences and stories it can create a dialogue and may give others insights into my reality, a reality which I know is all too familiar to many autistic people.
